Formerlies usually know that they’re Formerlies and understand this blog right away. But occasionally someone will ask, “Steph, just how do you know if you’re a Formerly?”
So to address this, which is (just after how to forge a lasting peace in the Middle East) one of the burning questions of our times, I’m starting a new feature: Signs You’re a Formerly. Here’s the first installment. Check back for more.
TODAY’S SIGNS YOU’RE A FORMERLY
1. You finally hear a song you know on the radio–bonus! You also can name the artist!–and your ears prick up, only to find out it’s one phrase of the song being sampled by DJ Someone-you’ve-never-heard-of.
2. You get hit on but it’s such a rarity that you don’t realize you’re being hit on until much later. (Happened to a friend of mine just recently.)
3. You say “word” and “it was the bomb,” completely without irony.
4. You say “word” and “it was the bomb,” even with irony.
5. You’ve even once pulled the skin of your face back and slightly up to see what you’d look like with a face lift (not that you’re even going there…yet).
6. You’ve ever flexed asked your significant other, “How’re my guns?” (Male version)
7. Your children sometimes have to help you off the floor
8. America’s Funniest Home Videos is on at the gym and you find yourself laughing so loud people are staring (you had your headphones on.) Was it always this hilarious?
9. At 9:01 on the dot you tell the neighbors to turn it down and consider yourself tolerant.
10. You count calories in mixed drinks
11. You make frequent pop cultural references that your colleagues at work don’t get
12. You take the time to explain those references to your colleagues, who don’t give a shit about the back story (Canoe Canoe?)
13. High school kids are now wearing what you wore in high school
14. High school kids are now wearing what you wore in high school–and you feel compelled to point this out TO THE HIGH SCHOOL KIDS!!
OK, I’m going to stop now or I will use up all my blog fodder in one posting. So here’s the contest: In the comments section, list as many or as few Signs You’re a Formerly as you think are funny. I will then pick the most telling sign, and that person will win a prize.***
***I have no idea what the prize is. Give me a break! This is my first contest. But there will be one, announced in a future posting.