Tom Waits played non-stop. The only person I knew was my friend. Then there was some long, dumb, pointless video someone made about a dead car battery, then there was some other dumb shit, like bowing down in the direction of Tom Waits. Tom Waits still playing. Sucky food. Can’t leave. Sleeping not allowed (I eventually slept on the cold, hard, wood floor in the hallway). Daniel left (”She’s not *my* friend. I don’t have to stay. You don’t either.” Of course I stayed. Stupid, stupid, stupid.)

24 hours.

This is not all capturing how crappy this party was. It sucked major.

At least I didn’t get vomited on. To this day I hate Tom Waits.

I have learned that to ensure, or at least try to, that you enjoy your party, you must host (this also keeps me close to my bed, which is where I like to go when I’m drunk). I do Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year’s Eve, Easter and the odd Passover. i will also do other people’s bdays. I like people in my house and…I’m close to my bed.

I must day, having re-read your sucky party list, you really did get the short end of the stick a lot and often quite severely.

1- A pot party a “friend” invited me to attend when I was 14. I was a real boy scout and didn’t partake of the said pot, so the party was really boring. What made it worse was that a girl I liked was there and, of course, had sex with said “friend”. As is typical when we’re teens, she was in love with him. He took advantage and never saw her again.

2- A holloween party at my high school. I asked a girl I liked to dance with me. She replied “Wouldn’t you rather dance with another man?” And she wasn’t joking.

Since I wasn’t exactly feeling welcome, I decided I had nothing to lose by inviting myself to join the card game. It took some persuading from both me and my boyfriend, but finally, reluctantly, they moved over and let me play.

After I won the next two hands, which was met with a lot of complaining (in Chinese) I was overruled and the game switched from Poker to some Chinese version of Go Fish.

But as mifted as I was that night, I felt just awful when the host of the party was killed in a car accident just a few days later. So I guess the moral of the story is bet high while you’re still in the game, and have a healthy respect for what unknowns will come in with the New Year!

Never again, until a few years ago, did I try throwing a party on the day of my birthday.

Also, when I was living in Fairbanks for a year after law school, clerking for a justice on the Alaska Supreme Court, I took a class at the University of Alaska, Fairbanks. I got a UAF email account. One frat sent a school-wide message inviting everybody to a rush event. I went, because, hey, I was invited, and I am a hyper-extrovert and never say no to a party. There were like 5-10 of us new people there, and a bunch of guys from the frat. They didn’t kick me out or anything, but it was a bit awkward explaining why I was there. I did get a cup of free crappy beer, and met some guys who could have become lifelong friends. They didn’t.

And that’s without even getting into all the parties freshman year of college where I stood around a frat dance floor hoping to meet the love of my life, or at least the love of my evening, but met no one, and walked home drunk wailing “I am hu-u-u-u-man and I need to be loved, just like everybody else does.” But that’s everyone’s story, right?

One of the rare times that the entire family left the room, the other five freaked-out guests and I discussed how bizarre the whole thing was, and how we could possibly get out of the sleepover part. The mother then came into the room with snacks and announced that there was a special surprise. She had hidden a tape recorder behind the couch to capture the fun of the evening and she’d like us all to listen to it. Right then. We all broke out in a cold sweat, but were in great luck because all that could be heard on the tape were rustling noises. Phew!