5169567158_5dcd1ddde4I’m in the middle of moving (big Formerly moment, sending out my new snail mail address and land line phone number, like I have more than five actual human friends who visit me elsewhere than Facebook) so this will be brief. I signed up for Groupon the other day and got this as an announcement for a salon discount:

“Left untended, human hairs grow so long and unruly that passing grandmothers often mistake skulls for skeins of yarn to crochet into sweater capes. Tame tempting head threads with today’s Groupon to [SALON X’S] Soho location on LaFayette Street.”

The ad went onto say that a “cadre of versed hairstylists enact a full array of cuts and colors to match the aura of each of their distinctive clients.” I’m not altogether sure I want my aura matched so much as a little volume trimmed in, so my face won’t look so thin and I won’t look so tired. I’m also not sure I need my hair cutter to speak in iambic pentameter. Finally, the salon promises to “reinvigorate enervated coiffures with enough energy to power small windmills and electroshock sagging silhouettes.”

They want to electroshock my silhouette. My silhouette might be able to use a little something something, but I’m prepared to rule out electroshock. I’m not saying now that we’re Formerlies we want to run out and get a mom cut by rote. That helmet thing doesn’t work on anyone. Nor am I against long hair for women who are not teenagers. I have it, in fact.

But I have a question for you all: Are you done getting radical haircuts or colors at this point? Or are you still prepared for a electroshocking of your silhouette? How does that play on us non-teenagers, in your opinion? And do you think it’ll give you that same sense of feeling different than everyone else that it might have in your 20s. Do you still need to feel that way? (I know I don’t, and that’s a good thing.)

photo by Saffy CC