Welcome to Formerly Hot!
When my mom and my husband saw that I was launching a website called Formerly Hot, essentially about no longer being the chick I was for most of my life, they fell all over themselves to reassure me that I am, in fact, still hot, in my own not-so-young-anymore kind of way. My husband very sweetly told me I could get fat(ter), saggy(er), blotch(ier) and my pores could continue to expand like crop circles all over my face and to him, I would still be the relatively young and desirable woman he married. Bless him. My mother simply took issue with the idea that older women were no longer hot, and chided me for putting myself down.
That’s when I realized I needed to clarify my mission.
This website is not a marathon fishing-for-compliments trip (although I won’t be turning any down). I know I still look fine, and on a good day, great. I wholeheartedly agree with my mom’s estimation that a woman’s hotness is not necessarily inversely proportional to how many candles she has on her birthday cake.
In my case Formerly Hot has to do with appearances, but is more about life transitions: aging and/or maturing out of what is perhaps easiest to describe as relevance. When you wend your way into your late 30s (even earlier in places like the Midwest), you stop being part of the groovy young demographic that marketers want to attract, the one bouncers want to let in to their nightclubs, the guy who no one can believe is so young yet so successful.
You are, of course, still relevant to your family, your friends, and those your age and older, but you are not “that person” anymore, whatever that meant to you.
For me being a Formerly has to do with how far away I am moving from the standard perfectly symmetrical, thin, perky-boobed female ideal (not that I ever arrived.) For others, it might have to do with no longer being an athlete, a whiz-kid, a cynic, a yogi, a nihilist—whatever was so important to you for a time that it defined you.
There are distinct upsides to being a Formerly. While you no longer know exactly what is expected of you you also don’t care as much. Things feel less intense, less dramatic, more relaxed and peaceful. You have a lot on your mind, but generally you put them there—you worry about your kids because you love them, but less about what your friends think of your shoes. In other words, time passes. Things change. And that’s cool.
Except when it’s not. Getting older, even if you’re not old, can sometimes suck! It would be nice not to have to look up every texting abbreviation someone sends to be before replying, for instance. I used to know such things.
And it’s OK to miss being current, a source, someone who knew what people were talking about more often than not. It’s hard when no one at your job gets your pop-cultural references. Formerly Hot promises not to tell you that you must “embrace your life changes” that 50 is the new 40 is the new 30 is the new 29. You are what you are but you don’t always have to be smiling about it.
So enjoy and please contribute! You can upload a picture and your story and have fun making fun. It’s all good at Formerly Hot, and you have nothing to prove.
You can also check out some of my other work at www.stephaniedolgoff.com.
Everything on this site is Copyright Stephanie Dolgoff 2008
