formerlyhot.com

This movie requires Flash Player 8

CAROLYN WROTE: I am a former high-school drop-out. True story. I dropped out at 16 and then went back for one more awful semester at 17 before leaving school for good. I partied, I worked sporadically, then met and married a guy, and had two children.

Things didn’t go as planned (do they ever?).

Two years ago, I became a single mom after my divorce, I realized I needed to get it together. After a few months of a mall job, I applied to college (I had earned my GED years ago).

I have since worked my former-drop-out butt off for a year, and have been accepted into the highly competitive nursing program, thanks to my shiny 4.0 GPA and great letters of recommendation from my teachers. Imagine! I even aced Chem and Anatomy & Physiology! In two years’ time, I’ll have my RN and will have completely turned my life around!

(I blog at www.runningleap.wordpress.com)

AMY WROTE: At my 16th Birthday, I was depressed because all the grown ups said this is the best time of your life, so I though it would soon be over and I would become one of them with nothing but dreary drudgery ahead. My 17th was like a wake; but lo and behold, I was never happier. Yet, I thought, “this is it , now I ‘m in for it. Nothing but shoulds from now on. Yet that year was even better and now at 72, I have never dreaded another birthday. Each year has been better than the last and the last one was great.

Photo by Jessica.Diamond CC

AMANDA WROTE: I formerly would have looked hot in this dress. I never go into Betsy Johnson, but it just screamed at me and my best friend from the window, it was SO ME…um, 20 years ago. I tried on the 10 and it looked good but in a ‘trying too hard, how much Spanx am I gonna need to pull this off’ kind of way. My friend suggests a 12 would be better, the lovely Debbie Harry-esque sales girl searches for me and tells me there are none in the system. In searching for the picture to post here, I now realize that is because Betsy Johnson doesn’t even make a size 12! Whatever. I found a cute dress at Anthropologie, a halter top no less, that I can pull of sans Spanx and still enjoy some bbq on my visit to the south. Btw, this is my first post on a blog ever, but i felt compelled to contribute. I feel like I have found my people!

Photo from Betsy Johnson

KELLY WROTE: As god as my witness, in my Formerly Hot life my morning beauty routine consisted of mascara (a must) and red lip gloss (optional). Now the word for us Formerlies is that we should use LESS make-up for a ‘fresh and youthful’ look.  HELLO…WTF??? I’m now at a point where it takes more, I have the resources for the good stuff and thirty years of application tips and practice I’m supposed to wear less?  What?  Is that possible  for any of us Formerlies?  Am I the only one out here that has to spend three times longer applying twice as much stuff to look half as I good way back when?  Not Fair!  I’m calling Shenanigans!

Photo by Snowkei CC

NFA WROTE: I don’t have time to go get waxed anymore, so I buy a Sally Hansen extra strength variety, presumably for really hairy people. I keep running out of strips (last time, after I had done only one leg), but don’t have time to find just the strips alone, so I keep buying kits. Now I have three tubs of wax in my bathroom, and one set of strips. My kids were out on Sunday morning, so I managed to wax the back of one of the unfinished legs. Then they came home, and I couldn’t get to the back of the other one. And I’m still walking around with a partially hairy leg.

Photo by Quinet CC

ALEX WROTE: …looking SO old and SO bad, that ME, naked under a nightgown, smacks of Granny Clampett. In.the.flesh.  Yup, see’em and weep.

Photo by G-hat CC

LAURA WROTE: Used to be I could pluck any old shred of spandex off the rack at the start of swimsuit season, but after two kids in 20 months, this bod needs the big guns–the triple-figure-price-tag, babypool-appropriate, quadruple-ply tanksuit. Goodbye, H&M, hello Lord & Taylor. I walked out with the aquatic equivalent of control tops–from the demure Gottex Profile Collection–but rather than defeated I felt, well, sort of hot. I’d rather rock a mom suit than look like a hoochie mama!

AMY WROTE: Pancakes. That’s all my boobs are wanted for anymore. Used to be they were cute. Not being robustly endowed, they didn’t attract a lot of attention, but were, you know, appreciated. Now, the only people who are interested in them are the mammogram women. You know, the cute, perky, super happy blond radiologist who sweetly and cutely smooshes my boob down till it’s thinner than a good diner pancake. And says, “Oh, we have dense breasts, don’t we? We’ll have to do three images. Of each.” Yes, that’s right. Six smooshings. Six pancake pictures.

I. Did. Not. Sign. Up. For. This.

Photo by: Jspatchwork, CC Licensed

CATHY WROTE: Was feeling very formerly during my recent extended stay in Europe.  A dozen years ago when I first traveled there solo, hot guys practically dropped from the sky to squire me around town. I have an entire photo album filled with shots of me with handsome strangers–Nigel, Etienne, Jan, Mario–all looking pleased to be in my youthful company. Now, apparently, I am invisible. Other than a shady, middle-aged Turk who followed me for several blocks on the streets of Stuttgart, I commanded no notice whatsoever. Are European men equipped with supersonic young-American-female-tourist radar?

Photo by: Rock Cohen, CC Licensed