OK, cough it up!I want to know what your FORMERLY is, not least of all because perhaps it'll be as superficial and relatively unimportant in the scheme of things as is mine.
Obviously, the fact that you've always been the smartest kid in your family and yet couldn't bring yourself to finish your dissertation is nothing compared to the problems of veterans returning minus a limb, but it's still worth a few words. Or that your high school peers voted you most likely to get rich quick and you're working at Dunkin' Donuts. Or that you had the marriage and little blond children that seemed so perfect, and now you have an ex and bigger blond children that you see every other weekend.
Boo-effin'-hoo, some will say. You're not homeless. You're not trapped in some abandoned bomb shelter with nothing but a skeleton and some plant water to drink like that girl on All My Children. Get some real problems. And you will, at some point. But for now, I want to hear about your FORMERLY.
Go to the drop-down menu, and select a FORMERLY from among the ones I posted. If none apply, write your own in the box to the right. And then give me a few words (no more than 200) on your FORMERLY, what it meant to you and how you're dealing. You can also post a relevant picture (it needn't be you but something that says it all). Keep it relatively clean, kids, and feel free to post more than one. You can be serious, self-mocking, however you feel.
Regular readers will forgive this rerun, but I’m hoping a bunch of fresh eyes are on the site today after the TODAY Show appearence. After watching the book trailer (above) and this and this video (oh, and maybe this one, too!) you probably know whether you’re a Formerly. But just in case…here’s one more!
PLUS!
20 SIGNS YOU’RE A FORMERLY
1. You’ve even once pulled the skin of your face back and slightly up to see what you’d look like with a facelift
2. High school kids are now wearing what you wore in high school.
AMY WROTE: At my 16th Birthday, I was depressed because all the grown ups said this is the best time of your life, so I though it would soon be over and I would become one of them with nothing but dreary drudgery ahead. My 17th was like a wake; but lo and behold, I was never happier. Yet, I thought, “this is it , now I ‘m in for it. Nothing but shoulds from now on. Yet that year was even better and now at 72, I have never dreaded another birthday. Each year has been better than the last and the last one was great.
THE MIDLIFE GALS WROTE: I have decided to be 35. I am going to skip past the notion that 50 is the new forty and go down to the 30’s. It just sounds better and feels better too. Until, of course, I have to put my mascara on in one of those magnifying mirrors that makes me look like my face is one BIG eye. My eyelids have crept down to produce their own double chins, so I have to really open my eyes wide and lift my eyebrows in order to put on eye shadow. And, speaking of eyebrows, mine are going bald so I have to use a pencil to ‘fill in.’ I’m thinking of tattooing eyebrows on so I can eliminate one more step in my beauty regimen, but then I’d have to glue individual hairs on top of that so I wouldn’t look like Marlene Dietrich. So, I’ll think 35, but everyone will still see 57. Can’t be helped! Onward, through the fog!
LAURA WROTE: I turned 32 this week, and am no longer officially young (thanks to Asher Roth’s MILF age qualifier of being at least 32 - I don’t even have KIDS, and I’m officially a frigging MILF?). When did I cross the line from Miss to Ma’am?
INSLEE WROTE: What about that “they ruined it” feeling you get when you discover that your treasured, saved-money-up-for, big-ticket-handbag–the one that you finally purchased after waiting until was on markdown–is on the arm of most 13 year old girls at the mall! You are now forced to toss it aside, because you figure all who see you with it will assume you are trying to be one of them! THEY RUINED IT! I can’t keep ahead of these kids. I’m not trying to be cool and with-it, but I can now never imagine carrying a Couch purse with the “C”s on it, any silver jewelry from Tiffany’s nor compete with my niece’s Tori Burch ballet flat collection!
JANINE WROTE: Does anyone else find the tv commercials for Mohegan Sun depressing? You know, the one that uses the music from “My Sharona” with dorky words about how the middle-aged fortysomethings in the commercial are going to bust out for the weekend, going nuts by going to Mohegan sun and gambling! Going to a chain restaurant! Staying up all night! Dancing around looking generally very white, frumpy and uncool…yes, the original punk/new wave generation is now in its forties, and the once ruling paragons of cooldom now are relegated to weekend outings to a casino with the sitter at home…*sigh*
There was a time when I used to pay $10 to go sit on the floor of every out-of-the-way downtown theater/basement/living room for one-person shows, trendy modern interpretations or Greek tragedies, etc. Then I would inevitably spot the actors eating falafel or drinking a beer next door and feel totally cutting edge. Now I’m excited if I remember to watch my DVR of The Office. I tip my hat to the next generation of 22-year-olds who have the energy to pay attention to these things.
SHARE YOUR STORY
You're formerly something, but you're no doubt finally something you've aspired to, too. To share your FORMERLY/FINALLY story CLICK HERE.
She’s not a fan DENISE IN SF WROTE: I would say your little gimmick is pretty stupid. Anyone, anywhere who feels the need to pigeonhole women into tidy little categories is adding to the problem.
Happy birthday, Sweet Adult Tween NOELLE WROTE: I have two precious things in my life, one that makes me feel "hot" - the perfect little black dress - and one that makes me feel "formerly hot" - a 15 year old daughter. Her friend had a "club-themed" Sweet 16 party and the next thing I know my Little Black Dress walked out the door on my Little Girl. My clothes are going to parties I'm not invited to!
Fashion forward, people! KIMBERLY WROTE: I teach fashion students and when they show up to class dressed like they're on their way to a OMD concert I shutter and resist the urge to tell them they have stolen that outfit from my high school closet. Also, jealous that I'm NOT on my way to an OMD concert. SO I continue to wear my Ray-bans with love, nostalgia, baggage and all.
Suddenly the oldest K WROTE: While my other friends are now on their second children, thinking about whether they can still wear short(ish) skirts, and getting divorced or remarried -- my younger friends are still spending their summers going to 1st weddings and amazed that their other friends are old enough to purposely get pregnant.
Finally just right I'm a mom & now I can't remember why I thought life was so great before. My all nighters & the bottles in the pantry are completely different now, but I wouldn't change a thing. I have so much more confidence & peace & satisfaction & love. I wouldn't trade a mountain of dirty diapers for my old life ever! I love every stinking one!
Formerly cool FORMERLY HIGH CQ WROTE: I went to parties, museums, restaurants, bars, sporting events, the theatre, the ballet, . . out with friends, out making friends. Now I am 'Uncool'. A 'fun ruiner, party pooper' say my children.
Formerly not “a mother figure” MAY POPPS WROTE: When a cute 22 yr old guy @ work asked me a questioned about payroll tax withholding "since I was a mother-figure around here" I was crushed! ...But driven to work harder to look even better, lost more weight, & actually wore a 2 piece to the beach in Florida, without embarrassing my kids.
Formerly quarter-aged ROBUNDLE WROTE: Wow, that is the first time someone has ever called me "Middle-aged". Not sure that I liked it, but I guess it means in a way that I have arrived and can now demand a certain amount of respect. Out of my way...you youngsters!
Formerly an Overachiever NICOLE WROTE: My scary next step...I am seeking a lower paying executive level position with a large non-profit that works with kids. Something that I have always wanted to do, but could never give up the income. I still can't afford to, but I have to have a happy next 20 years!
AMY WROTE: At my 16th Birthday, I was depressed because all the grown ups said this is the best time of your life, so I though it would soon be over and I would become one of them with nothing but dreary drudgery ahead. My 17th was like a wake; but lo and behold, I was never happier. Yet, I thought, “this is it , now I ‘m in for it. Nothing but shoulds from now on. Yet that year was even better and now at 72, I have never dreaded another birthday. Each year has been better than the last and the last one was great.
LAURA WROTE: I turned 32 this week, and am no longer officially young (thanks to Asher Roth’s MILF age qualifier of being at least 32 - I don’t even have KIDS, and I’m officially a frigging MILF?). When did I cross the line from Miss to Ma’am?
INSLEE WROTE: What about that “they ruined it” feeling you get when you discover that your treasured, saved-money-up-for, big-ticket-handbag–the one that you finally purchased after waiting until was on markdown–is on the arm of most 13 year old girls at the mall! You are now forced to toss it aside, because you figure all who see you with it will assume you are trying to be one of them! THEY RUINED IT! I can’t keep ahead of these kids. I’m not trying to be cool and with-it, but I can now never imagine carrying a Couch purse with the “C”s on it, any silver jewelry from Tiffany’s nor compete with my niece’s Tori Burch ballet flat collection!
JANINE WROTE: Does anyone else find the tv commercials for Mohegan Sun depressing? You know, the one that uses the music from “My Sharona” with dorky words about how the middle-aged fortysomethings in the commercial are going to bust out for the weekend, going nuts by going to Mohegan sun and gambling! Going to a chain restaurant! Staying up all night! Dancing around looking generally very white, frumpy and uncool…yes, the original punk/new wave generation is now in its forties, and the once ruling paragons of cooldom now are relegated to weekend outings to a casino with the sitter at home…*sigh*
There was a time when I used to pay $10 to go sit on the floor of every out-of-the-way downtown theater/basement/living room for one-person shows, trendy modern interpretations or Greek tragedies, etc. Then I would inevitably spot the actors eating falafel or drinking a beer next door and feel totally cutting edge. Now I’m excited if I remember to watch my DVR of The Office. I tip my hat to the next generation of 22-year-olds who have the energy to pay attention to these things.
