OK, cough it up!I want to know what your FORMERLY is, not least of all because perhaps it'll be as superficial and relatively unimportant in the scheme of things as is mine.
Obviously, the fact that you've always been the smartest kid in your family and yet couldn't bring yourself to finish your dissertation is nothing compared to the problems of veterans returning minus a limb, but it's still worth a few words. Or that your high school peers voted you most likely to get rich quick and you're working at Dunkin' Donuts. Or that you had the marriage and little blond children that seemed so perfect, and now you have an ex and bigger blond children that you see every other weekend.
Boo-effin'-hoo, some will say. You're not homeless. You're not trapped in some abandoned bomb shelter with nothing but a skeleton and some plant water to drink like that girl on All My Children. Get some real problems. And you will, at some point. But for now, I want to hear about your FORMERLY.
Go to the drop-down menu, and select a FORMERLY from among the ones I posted. If none apply, write your own in the box to the right. And then give me a few words (no more than 200) on your FORMERLY, what it meant to you and how you're dealing. You can also post a relevant picture (it needn't be you but something that says it all). Keep it relatively clean, kids, and feel free to post more than one. You can be serious, self-mocking, however you feel.
Regular readers will forgive this rerun, but I’m hoping a bunch of fresh eyes are on the site today after the TODAY Show appearence. After watching the book trailer (above) and this and this video (oh, and maybe this one, too!) you probably know whether you’re a Formerly. But just in case…here’s one more!
PLUS!
20 SIGNS YOU’RE A FORMERLY
1. You’ve even once pulled the skin of your face back and slightly up to see what you’d look like with a facelift
2. High school kids are now wearing what you wore in high school.
AMY WROTE: At my 16th Birthday, I was depressed because all the grown ups said this is the best time of your life, so I though it would soon be over and I would become one of them with nothing but dreary drudgery ahead. My 17th was like a wake; but lo and behold, I was never happier. Yet, I thought, “this is it , now I ‘m in for it. Nothing but shoulds from now on. Yet that year was even better and now at 72, I have never dreaded another birthday. Each year has been better than the last and the last one was great.
THE MIDLIFE GALS WROTE: I have decided to be 35. I am going to skip past the notion that 50 is the new forty and go down to the 30’s. It just sounds better and feels better too. Until, of course, I have to put my mascara on in one of those magnifying mirrors that makes me look like my face is one BIG eye. My eyelids have crept down to produce their own double chins, so I have to really open my eyes wide and lift my eyebrows in order to put on eye shadow. And, speaking of eyebrows, mine are going bald so I have to use a pencil to ‘fill in.’ I’m thinking of tattooing eyebrows on so I can eliminate one more step in my beauty regimen, but then I’d have to glue individual hairs on top of that so I wouldn’t look like Marlene Dietrich. So, I’ll think 35, but everyone will still see 57. Can’t be helped! Onward, through the fog!
LAURA WROTE: I turned 32 this week, and am no longer officially young (thanks to Asher Roth’s MILF age qualifier of being at least 32 - I don’t even have KIDS, and I’m officially a frigging MILF?). When did I cross the line from Miss to Ma’am?
INSLEE WROTE: What about that “they ruined it” feeling you get when you discover that your treasured, saved-money-up-for, big-ticket-handbag–the one that you finally purchased after waiting until was on markdown–is on the arm of most 13 year old girls at the mall! You are now forced to toss it aside, because you figure all who see you with it will assume you are trying to be one of them! THEY RUINED IT! I can’t keep ahead of these kids. I’m not trying to be cool and with-it, but I can now never imagine carrying a Couch purse with the “C”s on it, any silver jewelry from Tiffany’s nor compete with my niece’s Tori Burch ballet flat collection!
JANINE WROTE: Does anyone else find the tv commercials for Mohegan Sun depressing? You know, the one that uses the music from “My Sharona” with dorky words about how the middle-aged fortysomethings in the commercial are going to bust out for the weekend, going nuts by going to Mohegan sun and gambling! Going to a chain restaurant! Staying up all night! Dancing around looking generally very white, frumpy and uncool…yes, the original punk/new wave generation is now in its forties, and the once ruling paragons of cooldom now are relegated to weekend outings to a casino with the sitter at home…*sigh*
There was a time when I used to pay $10 to go sit on the floor of every out-of-the-way downtown theater/basement/living room for one-person shows, trendy modern interpretations or Greek tragedies, etc. Then I would inevitably spot the actors eating falafel or drinking a beer next door and feel totally cutting edge. Now I’m excited if I remember to watch my DVR of The Office. I tip my hat to the next generation of 22-year-olds who have the energy to pay attention to these things.
SHARE YOUR STORY
You're formerly something, but you're no doubt finally something you've aspired to, too. To share your FORMERLY/FINALLY story CLICK HERE.
Perspective, people CATHY WROTE: I just read your book and appreciated it, though I can't really relate. Not only am I 15 years older than you, I was never hot. I have a mild case of cerebral palsy; while I can, thank God, walk and talk, I limp and my right arm swings like a broken tree branch. When I shop for clothes, style doesn't count. Can I get into it by myself? Will these shoes support my right ankle?
A classic, truly WENDY WROTE: I'm strangely not embarrassed to admit that my FORMERLY moment involves a velour jogging suit, fleece-lined crocs, a bird store...and Cheerios.
Agree? QUEEN WROTE: There comes a time in your life when u suddenly realize that you are not cute anymore. You are still pretty and more secure, hopefully more intelligent and secure, but you just don't turn heads the way you used to. But its not because you became ugly, I believe there are beautiful and ugly in young and old.
Relief, of a kind KIKI WROTE: Finally! I don't get hit on all the time. It's kind of nice to be able to go to the store and be checked out (no pun intended) without the clerk asking me if I've got a boyfriend. D
Olivia d’Abo was the hot older daughter! JULIE WROTE: The AmeriCorps (2o-something) in my office were discussing dopplegangers. I remarked that I was never really told I look like anyone-oh, except for the sister on the Wonder Years (Olivia d'Abo character)...to which the reply (nonsnarky, just curious) was..."don't you mean the mom?" What???
HILARIOUS CHRISTINE WROTE: ...Last year my 13 year old step daughter wore my dress to a birthday party. I told my friends the story and one of the husbands replied, "that was a farewell dress. Farewell to size 4."
9-year-old fashion tips LAURA WROTE: My 9 year old daughter, who knows everything, informed me that I was too old to even think about wearing a bikini or even a two piece. She informed me that tankini's were OK because they covered my flabby parts and made it easy for me since I have to go to the bathroom so much (bladder sling surgery in 3 months.)
Becoming more of “me” VICTORIA WROTE: Here's what I hope will be my formerly secret...I am on the other side of Hot, but I can become more of me and more intriguing and have more fun with my family. I am starting to do things that are more exciting, more fun, and double as exercise. Recently I've tried and really LOVED rock climbing (safe kind at county park on 50' wall with harness) and kayaking. I'm becoming more fun, and I find me more interesting too--and it gets me off my fanny and out with my daughter (9) and hubby!
Formerly “That Girl” MIKALEE WROTE: Yip, that was me: Married to my soul mate, educated, skyrocketing career, copious friends, 2.25 children and a picket fence. My friends often called me "that girl," as in "she's that girl you love to hate or hate to love. The girl who has it all." I really did have it all. Until my marriage ended with a brick--a literal brick. You can't make this sh*t up, right? ...It's been a roller coaster ride, but I'm in the front row, arms up and only screaming occasionally. ;)
Thank you for allowing us to embrace our "formerly" and our "finally." Here's to our versions 2.0, 3.0, 4.0, etc. Can't wait to read your book!
Ms. Menopause CITY GIRL WROTE: The she-devil will soon face the joy of watching her tattoo slip down her side like a glob of jelly; glimmering with the sweat of her ever more frequent hot flashes. I may be formerly hot, but not that hot ; )
AMY WROTE: At my 16th Birthday, I was depressed because all the grown ups said this is the best time of your life, so I though it would soon be over and I would become one of them with nothing but dreary drudgery ahead. My 17th was like a wake; but lo and behold, I was never happier. Yet, I thought, “this is it , now I ‘m in for it. Nothing but shoulds from now on. Yet that year was even better and now at 72, I have never dreaded another birthday. Each year has been better than the last and the last one was great.
LAURA WROTE: I turned 32 this week, and am no longer officially young (thanks to Asher Roth’s MILF age qualifier of being at least 32 - I don’t even have KIDS, and I’m officially a frigging MILF?). When did I cross the line from Miss to Ma’am?
INSLEE WROTE: What about that “they ruined it” feeling you get when you discover that your treasured, saved-money-up-for, big-ticket-handbag–the one that you finally purchased after waiting until was on markdown–is on the arm of most 13 year old girls at the mall! You are now forced to toss it aside, because you figure all who see you with it will assume you are trying to be one of them! THEY RUINED IT! I can’t keep ahead of these kids. I’m not trying to be cool and with-it, but I can now never imagine carrying a Couch purse with the “C”s on it, any silver jewelry from Tiffany’s nor compete with my niece’s Tori Burch ballet flat collection!
JANINE WROTE: Does anyone else find the tv commercials for Mohegan Sun depressing? You know, the one that uses the music from “My Sharona” with dorky words about how the middle-aged fortysomethings in the commercial are going to bust out for the weekend, going nuts by going to Mohegan sun and gambling! Going to a chain restaurant! Staying up all night! Dancing around looking generally very white, frumpy and uncool…yes, the original punk/new wave generation is now in its forties, and the once ruling paragons of cooldom now are relegated to weekend outings to a casino with the sitter at home…*sigh*
There was a time when I used to pay $10 to go sit on the floor of every out-of-the-way downtown theater/basement/living room for one-person shows, trendy modern interpretations or Greek tragedies, etc. Then I would inevitably spot the actors eating falafel or drinking a beer next door and feel totally cutting edge. Now I’m excited if I remember to watch my DVR of The Office. I tip my hat to the next generation of 22-year-olds who have the energy to pay attention to these things.
