OK, cough it up!I want to know what your FORMERLY is, not least of all because perhaps it'll be as superficial and relatively unimportant in the scheme of things as is mine.
Obviously, the fact that you've always been the smartest kid in your family and yet couldn't bring yourself to finish your dissertation is nothing compared to the problems of veterans returning minus a limb, but it's still worth a few words. Or that your high school peers voted you most likely to get rich quick and you're working at Dunkin' Donuts. Or that you had the marriage and little blond children that seemed so perfect, and now you have an ex and bigger blond children that you see every other weekend.
Boo-effin'-hoo, some will say. You're not homeless. You're not trapped in some abandoned bomb shelter with nothing but a skeleton and some plant water to drink like that girl on All My Children. Get some real problems. And you will, at some point. But for now, I want to hear about your FORMERLY.
Go to the drop-down menu, and select a FORMERLY from among the ones I posted. If none apply, write your own in the box to the right. And then give me a few words (no more than 200) on your FORMERLY, what it meant to you and how you're dealing. You can also post a relevant picture (it needn't be you but something that says it all). Keep it relatively clean, kids, and feel free to post more than one. You can be serious, self-mocking, however you feel.
JESSICA WROTE: I had to run out to pick up cold medicine for my son and ran into my friend’s brother whom I hadn’t seen in 5 years. In our meeting he told me I looked older, he attempted to redeem himself by saying, “I mean more mature.” Ouch. I later talked to my friend he told me his brother had thought I was stoned. Nope, the fun days are long gone and replaced with kids, work, and bills, making me extremely tired looking.
CYNTHIA WROTE: I used to be able to count on manly types stopping to assist when auto failure haunted my travels. Had three crusty geezers trying to change a tire in the rain not so long ago. A recent breakdown found not a soul willing to offer a jump-start, and I knew I’d “crossed over.” Mom says just wait; pretty soon they’ll be back to help me out ’cause I’m an old lady. Thanks, Mom. Of course, I know how to do my own repairs. It’s the principle of the thing.
BROOKE WROTE: Did some math today. This year’s incoming college freshman were born in 1991. I wept very salty old lady tears.
THE MIDLIFE GALS WROTE: I have decided to be 35. I am going to skip past the notion that 50 is the new forty and go down to the 30’s. It just sounds better and feels better too. Until, of course, I have to put my mascara on in one of those magnifying mirrors that makes me look like my face is one BIG eye. My eyelids have crept down to produce their own double chins, so I have to really open my eyes wide and lift my eyebrows in order to put on eye shadow. And, speaking of eyebrows, mine are going bald so I have to use a pencil to ‘fill in.’ I’m thinking of tattooing eyebrows on so I can eliminate one more step in my beauty regimen, but then I’d have to glue individual hairs on top of that so I wouldn’t look like Marlene Dietrich. So, I’ll think 35, but everyone will still see 57. Can’t be helped! Onward, through the fog!
BEV WROTE: I was in sunny Santa Monica for business and had time for a brisk walk before catching a taxi back to the airport. I noticed some young men gathered in a parking lot, and as I walked by, I had to smile as I heard one of them call out, “hey baby, you’re looking good…you’re looking sexy….”
My confidence was boosted until he finished his sentence, “…for your age.”
screech!!
FOR MY AGE????
god. Can we please rewind that and cut the scene three words sooner? ha.
Photo by Marco Gomes CC
LAURA WROTE: I went out to a bar with my single girlfriends. I am 38 and I got hit on by a 23 yr old who wanted to take me home - which made my night - UNTIL…as I was leaving, I saw him riding away ON A BIKE!!!!!
MARYANN WROTE: This past weekend I had met another golfer gal and we were discussing our age. I told her I was 45 and my bf looked at me and said “45 again? Do the math”! Ok so I’ll be 47…I just don’t look my age and since it’s only a number oh well…I’ll remain 45 until I finally look 45! HA!
Photo by Ella Marie CC
ELAINE WROTE: Just received invite to my 50th!!! high school reunion. I still can’t wrap my head around that number. To be honest, I don’t feel “formerly” hot - I just feel ‘hot’. Hey, I know I’m not young - not in denial. But hell, hot is hot… no matter what your driver’s license says 
SNARLOTTA WROTE: I read an academic article from a professor I wanted to interview for a story, so I googled him for contact info and lo and behold there was a picture of him on his university’s web site. and i immediately thought, ooh, hot older guy!
and then i saw in his CV that he graduated from college a year after I did.
to look on the bright side, i guess it’s nice that i don’t see myself as crinkly and gray, or that i thought someone younger than i was hot (albeit elderly)?
JULI WROTE: I’m 45 and at that point with my hair…should I continue coloring/highlighting or should I let it ‘go’? I’ve had more advice from women my age to color, saying “We’re too young to go gray.” Um, no we are not. We are coloring BECAUSE we are gray. So, is gray “bold and sophisticated” or “old and ugly”…
Photo by justjOOOOlie CC
