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I’m not a starf**cker, generally speaking. As Us magazine takes pains to point out each week, they’re just like us: gas-pumping, coffee-buying, child-schlepping bipeds, wearing hats to hide bad hair days, wading their way through marital swampland, and probably freaking out about weird dermatological abnormalities that are hopefully not cancer.

On the occasions that I’ve met celebrities, usually to interview them for magazines or because I live in New York City and even stars need to wait endlessly on line at the DMV (that’s where I met the dude who plays Miranda’s Steve in Sex and the City, who was very perfectly nice and very short), I manage not to gush or fawn or praise their “oeuvre” because I find it a little weird and uncomfortable that I know way, way more about them as human beings than they do about me.  (more…)

That “skinny jeans” are only skinny if you’re skinny

That any jacket can be a fitted jacket, if you’ve put on enough weight

That I am not, nor was I ever, skinny

If I am ever skinny in the future, I won’t want to be, because it will probably be indicative of illness.

Grinding noises in appliances are never good.

That I will always be at least three New Yorkers behind in my reading.

Guns do, in fact, kill people, especially when people are allowed to use them.

That Heidi Montag is an idiot. With huge breasts.

There are plenty of things that are worth doing that aren’t, in fact, hard.

Photo by Kelsey_lovefusionphoto CC

There have been many instances in which I’ve said, “If I only knew then what I know now.” But then when I look at what I know now, it doesn’t seem like anything I’d ever want to apply in retrospect. Still, with age becomes some wisdom, and since I’m roughly halfway through my life, you can expect the following to be half wise. And feel free to chime in with all that you know, now that you’re a Formerly.

WHAT I NOW KNOW (more…)