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Jane Fonda is the latest celeb to be honest about getting her slackening facial skin tightened up a touch. Apparently she had some work done back in 2000, and then made a pact with Sally Field that she wouldn’t again. “It’s really hard, especially if you’re a public person. But I want to give a face to aging,” is what she said at the time.

But then she went ahead and had her eyes and chin and neck tightened up back in February (this picture was taken in June). She explained to Larry King:

“If I was really brave, I would have not,” she said. “I vowed I wouldn’t–I did, and I don’t feel proud of it.”

I took that to mean that she’s both not proud of the fact that she swore off cosmetic surgery and caved (her lack of resolve) and the fact that she cared enough about looking like a “somewhat more glamorous grandma,” in her words to go under the knife again. (more…)

Me at the age my daughters are now

It’s my birthday today, and here’s a secret: I’m 43.

OK, it’s not much of a secret, because I am lucky enough to have tons of friends from childhood who know my  age, my birth date is up on my Facebook profile, and what’s more, I have written here and elsewhere that I was 42 (when I was) and 41 (when I was that, until just over a year ago.) I am not above gilding the lily about many, many things, but to lie about something as irrefutable as the date you came busting out, covered with mucus and screaming bloody murder has always seemed to me rather pointless, not to mention futile.

Until now.  (more…)

So apparently Demi Moore, 47 in November, has denied in French Marie Claire she’s had any plastic surgery at all to look as she does–which is to say, fantastic and no more than 30. According to the Daily Mail, this is what she said:

“It’s completely false, I’ve never had it done,” she said, adding: “But I would never judge those who have….If it’s the best thing for them, then I don’t see a problem.”

Not for nothing, if I had had $120K in plastic surgery, which she is rumored to have had over the years, and then felt compelled to deny it, I would probably make a point of my nonjudgmentalness, thus leaving the door open a crack in case I was busted later on. (more…)

On the very day last week that I was having a full blown shallow-breath panic attack about the economy (yet another magazine that was supposedly doing just dandy bit the big one) my friend from college, Rachel, happened to send me an email. It said that she overheard two teenage girls talking the other day.

“One told the other, ‘My mom said that the best terrorist would be a woman over 40 because no one pays attention to a woman over 40.’ Then they laughed,” Rachel wrote. “I didn’t so much. Well, at least if the economy continues like this, I know I have career options.”

I thought she made an excellent point. That’s just the kind of plucky attitude of optimism and good ol’ American bootstrap up-pulling that I think we could all learn from in these challenging times. When life gives lemons (all together now…) make lemonade! When life gives you invisibility, strap an explosive device to your chest and…!

Wait a minute…she may have been joking. Still, I decided it couldn’t hurt to think about how my skills might be applied to some other line of work, lest people stop reading altogether or for whatever reason I need to make some extra green fast. Here are some jobs Formerlies are uniquely qualified for, and ones (for the record, unlike terrorist) that I’d be willing to give a try.

1. A “before” model. They will always need “before” models for those plastic surgery ads, or how else would they sell plastic surgery, right? I hereby volunteer my slightly pleated, often puffy and somewhat jowly face to be on the “before” side of the picture, to show what a tired, sun-damaged no-longer-young person looks like without makeup. Soon so many people will be having cosmetic surgery that no one will know what’s normal, so I will be able to charge exorbitant rates for my exotic (translation: formerly normal) aging visage. I am even willing to forgo sleep and eat a lot of MSG the night before the shoot so I look especially shitty.

2. Lowest Common Denominator. Granted, I’ve been terrible at all things tech since I got my first bright yellow Toot-a-Loop radio in 1974 and couldn’t figure out how to make it twirl on my arm like a bracelet like they did in the commercials, so this is not only about being a Formerly. But as has been said a quadrillion times, those of us who are over 35 are on the whole less comfortable with the world of technology. I don’t see why people shouldn’t give us money for that! I will be in any focus group any social networking site (note to Facebook–stop fu&*^&*ng with us!!), any gizmo manufacturer, any software maker wants to sell to my demographic, and I will vouch for whether the LCD will get I and/or want to buy it. Because I am the LCD.

3. I can’t think of one more. Mattress tester? Yes, that’s it, but for sleep only (totally different kind of mattress tester than that other kind.) Maybe tomorrow. But in the meantime, if you do, please let me know.

Photo by: Wm Jas, CC Licensed